When I quit my job, we were about to enter the holiday season so days were filled with Thanksgiving, Christmas shopping, charity activities for Yolanda, and more parties. The beginning of 2014 found me without a cook, then without a driver, so my days were busy cooking for the family and chauffeuring my kids to school and back or from one activity to another.
Now that my domestic household issues have settled down, my life has also slowed down. I am getting used to a nice and steady schedule of waking up late, going to a morning yoga class, having lunch with Paulina and staying home in the afternoon with her doing her activities (coloring, ballet classes, playing in the park) while waiting for my boys to come home. In between, I have time for crochet, knitting, cooking, a little baking and reading. This is pretty much my daily schedule and I keep asking myself, “Is this it? Is this how my life will be from now on?”
In my previous life, I was used to multi-tasking, solving problems, pushing myself, being in stressful situations that had my heart rate going at 150bpm or feeling an adrenaline rush every so often. My heart rate hardly goes up now, there’s no pressure and I constantly feel like I’m floating on a cloud going from one activity to the other. I’m in a relaxed, blissful state, the feeling you have after a massage or a yoga class.
It’s a wonderful feeling but as a result, I ended up feeling lost, and I wondered if I was doing something wrong. Was it okay for me to feel this way when in the past I COULD DO SO MUCH MORE? Was I selling myself short? I even contemplated going back to the workforce because I knew I could do so much more. I could be that superwoman again, the one who could balance the roles of Career Woman, Mother, and Wife.
But I knew something would give, and that would probably be the role I valued most – my role as a Mother. Then I read something from HandsFreeMama.com which resonated with me.
Who you are now is more important than who you were then.
And that’s where all the questions of where I should be ended. Because it’s true.
I am a happier and more fulfilled person today than I was before.
I am in a place where I need to be now.
I am able to spend more time with my daughter and watch her grow up.
I am enjoying singing songs, dancing with her and watching Frozen every day.
I am at home when my sons get home from school.
I am there for them when they need me.
I have more time to be fully present in my sons’ lives.
I am more accessible to my husband.
I am learning how to cook and bake.
I am rediscovering myself and my passion for arts and crafts.
I am enjoying knitting and crocheting.
I enjoy my painting classes.
I am becoming a yogi.
I don’t feel lost anymore knowing I like the person I am today. I don’t need to over extend myself if I don’t need to. I enjoy being a mother to my children, being there for them when they need me. I’m enjoying myself, learning new things and re-discovering myself.
So what if my life is not as fast paced and hectic as before? It’s really okay because my children like the person I am and that I’m there for them and they are the ones whose opinion matters the most.