Every year, it’s the same question. And every year, I give my husband the same answer.
M: “What do you want for Christmas?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
But that’s because I’m thinking of something I can unwrap. But if I just take a few minutes to pause and reflect, I do know what I want. And really, my 16-year-old self would be horrified. It’s a good thing she’ll never know and can continue dreaming of getting charm bracelets, hard bound books, and a Keanu Reeves doll dressed as Ted.
1. A cut and color. I’ve barely had time for a haircut and when I did get the chance, I always rushed my stylist. Now that Tammy’s older, I can leave her for oh, maybe two hours. Thing is, that isn’t enough time for a color. Oh well, maybe next year. In the meantime, a haircut would be nice. Maybe before all the festivities (and photo ops!) begin.
2. Someone to finish all my shopping for me (and pay for it too while they’re at it). When September rolled around, Marc and I already had this discussion: we will start shopping already. Then again in October and then again in November. And now it’s December. And we still haven’t shopped. I guess this wasn’t the year we’d be efficient, Marc. Let’s try again next year.
3. A good night’s sleep. Tammy sleeps through the night. But she doesn’t exactly go to bed early. This wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t have to get up at 530 the next morning to get Addie ready for school. And the upcoming parties for Christmas and New Year? I used to look forward to them, but now, I dread the fatigue that will hit us all.
4. To wear normal clothes again. I have a uniform. It’s a rotation of my breastfeeding clothes. They’re so ratty and worn out, I just like to tell myself I’m going for distressed and vintage. Right. I can’t wait to wear regular clothes again. But I have to figure out how to wean. I’ve forgotten how.
5. My skin back. I’ve been diagnosed with rosacea. It’s a skin condition that comes out when you’re older – worsened by hormones (aka pregnancy). Red skin and bumps of all kinds sprouting all over. At first, my facialist was confounded. These were not regular pimples she said. My skin wasn’t this way before she said. What is going on, doctor help please she said. I’d been regularly going to Belo and my skin has vastly improved but in the past few months, I haven’t found the time. My skin still isn’t what it used to be, but the Belo doctors have performed wonders (considering I’ve been breastfeeding all this time and they were very limited in what they could do). Happy thought: I’m not afraid to leave the house anymore, which is a great improvement! I should post a before and now pic but I might horrify the Internet. But despite this, I would love my old skin back.
There’s nothing like motherhood to make you realize that your wants have gotten much simpler yet even more complicated.
To all my fellow moms, let’s raise our glasses of water in solidarity this Yuletide season. Cheers! Here’s to hanging on to our sanity this season!